I'm currently on a weekend trip to meet up with a friend I haven't seen in 8 years. I honestly debated coming, as much as I both wanted and needed to, my life hasn't been in a good place.
Our world has been turned upside down
On the 5.5 hour drive from Iowa to Missouri, as on any lengthy drive, I often listen to audio books. This time wasn't any different, except I chose a book not in my typical genre. I've heard great things about 'This ends with us' by Colleen Hoover, but I often find myself firmly planted in the psychological thriller section. This isn't a book review so I'll spare you the details, but the jest of it was helping people through the hardest times, and the difference that makes in their lives; often times without the other person realizing how much. Simple gestures, acts of kindness, words & affection can change someone's entire life.
Just keep swimming
Yes, the Dory quote from Finding Nemo, was a recurring concept throughout this novel. No matter what life throws at you, even when you're certain drowning is inevitable, just keep swimming. I feel as though I've done nothing but keep swimming for so very long. Perhaps I'm only treading water at this point.
After Lennon's cancer diagnosis in December, and her surgery in January, I'll admit I thought on multiple occasions this has to be it. I can't handle anything else happening. Between Jude's health issues for the last 2+ years, my own health issues, and now Lennon, we are maxed out right? Surely there's a quota of pain and suffering allotted to a person, to a family and we've met that. Hell, we've exceeded it. Right?
But wait...
Life, as it often does, says hold my beer. You thought you'd endured all your heart could take, well you've got another thing coming. Watch this. Feel this. Try this on for size.
Laugh to keep from crying
I started writing this weeks ago. I thought I'd end this blog with telling you that my heart will never be whole again. On June 26th, I watched my daddy take his last breath as I held onto him and cried in a way I've never cried before. Surrounded in the arms of my dear friend Brandi and with my mom, my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my parent's pastor and his wife all close by, yet feeling so devastatingly alone. When my daddy left this earth he left with a piece of me that I'll never get back.
Just keep swimming
I don't want this to be a woe is me entry. Life isn't only difficult for me as much as it seems to endlessly pile drive me into the ground, life is hard for so many people. It's no more difficult for me than anyone else it's all perception, so for now even during the most treacherous of storms I'll just keep swimming
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